Felician soccer student-athlete Brittany Lohman shares an emotional post about losing her coach during the off-season after her contract wasn't renewed.

As a rising senior, I have faced many triumphs and defeats while playing soccer at Felician College these past three years but time after time, we as team, along with our coaching staff, have made the best of our situation and always kept our heads held high. We may not have one the greatest records in the Central Atlantic Collegiate Conference but we certainly have one of the largest hearts in the conference.

My teammates and I have never let our struggles get the best of us. We play because we love the game and each other. With my final season quickly approaching, I have extremely high hopes and I am eager for the season to begin. However, shortly after we ended our spring semester this school year, my teammates and I suffered a detrimental loss.

Our coach, Erin (also our assistant athletic director), who would be coaching for a sixth season this fall, was told that her contract would not be renewed for the upcoming year. She will no longer be employed by the college after June 30.

Thus, in mid-May, with our preseason set to start in almost exactly three months, my teammates and I were left without a coach. Shocked, devastated, stunned...were just a few words to describe our feelings. We truly had no idea what to make of the situation and we were heartbroken. The fear of what would happen to our program definitely hung over us as we listened to our coach speak. There wasn't a single dry eye during our conversation and the feeling of dread was overwhelming. Not only were we losing our coach, we were losing a mentor, and more importantly, a friend.

I cannot even begin to explain how much Erin did for us. She went above and beyond what I think most coaches normally do. Erin did anything and everything in her power to help us, support us, encourage us and defend us. And although not everyone may have gotten along with her on the field, off the field, she was our best friend.

So here we are mid-June already, still without a coach. As a player and especially as a senior, I don't think I have ever been more scared in my athletic career then I am now. I have no clue as to what is going to happen with my team. Are we going to find a new coach in time? If we do get a new coach what is he or she going to be like? Are our incoming freshmen still going to come now that Erin is gone? These and countless other questions are constantly running through my head. What are we going to do?

I know our athletic department has our best interests in mind and our athletic director is trying his best to ease the situation. And I knew my senior season was going to be bittersweet because it means I'm not going to be playing competitive soccer like this again when its over. Still, it's a terrifying feeling not knowing what the future holds.

Erin and I had an especially close relationship because not only did I play for her, but I was also her work-study student in her office in the athletic department doing various odd jobs. We had an ongoing joke that started freshman year, because apparently I do strange things she has never seen before and so she thinks I'm "weird" (I'm not really sure what she's talking about, but I'll let it slide). One day during practice after I did something strange she said to me, "Three more years of this Britt, yay!" So from that point on, every time I did something unusual, it was "Three more years" and we would laugh. Gradually, as the seasons passed it went from three years, to two and now to one.

We were supposed to have one more year together but we don't; I feel cheated. It's hard walking into her office for work and seeing her there, knowing that I won't be seeing her in August as usual or hearing her yell instructions during a drill because she isn't my coach anymore.

As a team we are really trying to stay together and be strong for each other. Like I said, this was a huge shock to all of us, not only from a soccer standpoint, but from a personal one as well. It is really hard to stay positive when you feel you have been cheated or unfairly treated. Collectively, many of us came to play at Felician because Erin was the coach; now what? Although we are trying to make the best of everything, we are all very scared and nervous. The majority of us has never been in a situation like this before and are unsure what to do. Unfortunately, this matter is out of our control and there is nothing we can truly do. We are trying to keep our heads high and get through this just like we have overcome other struggles.

It truly is difficult to understand why this has happened while still maintaining an optimistic outlook. I personally am extremely nervous for the future of our program and our upcoming season. This is the last thing I could have had imagined for my senior season and quite honestly, I'm heartbroken. I have lost my coach and my friend. Next season is definitely not going to be the same without Erin as our coach but we wish her the best. She will certainly be missed and we all love her.